Makes sense.

Live life to the fullest. If you don't, regret will be your legacy.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

It's all in how it is phrased.

The Dead Donkey 

Barack Obama was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo.

Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, they hit it full on and
the car comes to a stop.

Obama says to the chauffeur: "You get out and check, you were driving."

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

"You were driving; go and tell the farmer," says Obama.

Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled
with a big grin on his face.

"My god, what happened to you?" asks Obama.

The chauffeur replies: "When I got there, the farmer opened his best
bottle of whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter
made love to me."

"What on earth did you say to them?" asks Obama.

"I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them,"

"I'm Barack Obama's chauffeur and I've just killed the jackass."

Friday, January 13, 2012


headaches, hamas, holder, holloway, hollywood, hopefuls, headline news?

Imma thinkin I hate words that start with H.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Brown outs and Black and Whites outs from the Green out there agendas.

So my electrical power ustta come from the hydroelectrical projects built umpteen years ago that are functional, stable, pretty much migratory fish tolerant (until some Dodo planted Walleye) and rather cheap in the grand scheme of making ends meet in a consumer sorta sense cuz water always flows down stream.

A few years ago I got wind of the fact we "hydro" folks wuz gunna hafta start paying a surcharge for all them windmills being built along the Columbia River, so'z I put me in a solar panel system (made in the U.S. of A. mind you) just to spite dem greenies and other assorted kooks that claim green energy will protect all the living spieces we got left on this here old eath.

So far so good!  I did not pay a penny for electricity ova the last twelve months, even tho I gotta pay $9.37 a month in taxes and PUC fees (if it's out there some entity will tax it) and that is a moral victory for a redneck like me.

So'z a while back I took me a road trip last fall up the Columbia River to gamble near Pendelton, to shop for wine in the Walla Walla region, to spend 8 hours admiring the granduer of the canyon walls filled with it's wide open spaces and to reflect on what Lewis and Clark musta thought as they paddeled down that river az they took that grand adventure they wuz on.  Hadn't dun that trip for 5 or 6 years and me saying I wuz looking forward to it wood (they got tree farms all along the freeways now a days) be an understatement. 

The Columbia River "wuz" sparse but totally beautiful from wut I wreckcollect?

I hit I-84 wit my diesel BMW (got 38 mpg on that trip, so that wuz a payoff better than the gambling wuz) and the only thing that had grown in dem parts since I'd been thru there the last time were windmills.  They are everywhere!  I cud'unt look more than a mile without seeing a cupple dozen or more uv them big ole three bladed thingee jobs sittin' there perfectly still, nary a gear turning, not one bird gittin' blown away and in general thinkin' to mahself these are the new man made Redwoods (they iz actually sorta whiteish but they iz as big as a Redwood) and it made me realize that the gamble along the damned up river has worse odds than any casino I eva been to.

'Bout that time I was thinking Don Quixote musta been a long lost relative cuz I was itching for a fight, but BMW (actually not British Motor Works anymore, sum German conglomerate took em ova and that iz a whole diff story I won't go inta now) does not offer lances as an accessory and I figgered my extended warranty wouldn't cover paint scratches incurred by chasing windmills, so I just kept my eyes on the road and kept my beak shut until I spied a big ole Golden Eagle (they iz actually brown 'ceptin for their eyes and around udder parts uv their head)

floating on the downdrafts of the everchanging politics uv saving the environment at the cost of what the (insert bad word) and I got to memberin' the first time I got ta see this raptor up close and personal.

It wuz back in the mid sixties.  Dad and hiz two partners started a start up in Madras and Mom wuz the designated driver between Madras and Prineville.  Back and forth we ventured as the new abode wuz being constructed.  On one unique jaunt we found the station wagon, filled with the four rowdy boys and a heck'tic Mom, slammin' on the brakes after rounding a blind corner seein' a dead mulie fawn with a Golden Eagle perched atop it and since the Fed did'unt require seat belts back then we all ended up in the front seat.

That bird wuz ginormous and defiant.  It stood on top uv that baby bambi and proceeded to stare us down, prob-bully thinking we wanted it's dinner and all we cud do was ta stare back az we scraped our faces off the front windshield.  My guess iz it up and got tired of waiting for that bronze Chevy station wagon to make it's move and proceeded to stretch it's wings, which were wider than that car wuz, and it then made a cupple uv flaps and iffen ya have neva seen a dead deer fly it will blow your mind.

Okay you'z folks iz no doubt scratching your head in wondering about where I'm flapping my wings with this post, so iffen ya won't do that condemnation thingee uv me for sneaking a few peaks at MSNBC (only when I need a gud laff) I clicked on this article cuz it reminded me uv some purdy spectacular things I've been fortunate enuff to see ova the years .

Yep I ain't one uv them PETA dudes mind ya'all, but we are called to be good stewards uv this world and it irked me to no end that sum burrocrat in DC made the call that sacrificing a few Golden Eagles to put up sum man made Redwoods, that don't spin alotta the time, iz for a "good" green cause.

What next I ask! 

Killer Whales r my first favoright animal. 

Ok you guessed it, they iz black and white all ova and they got one heck uv a bite to em.  So I amma wondering iffen Al Gore and hiz stooges (there'z more than three, but they sure do act like the original Larry, Curly and Moe crowd mosta the time) figger out a way to make money offen the tidal flows uv the oceans will the fuds allow for the killing uv some aquatic mammals that already know how to power up their own way uv life?


I was driving to Bend back in May uv last year and had the opportunity to witness a fight betwinkst a Bald Eagle and a Golden Eagle just this side of the Crooked River Bridge (ok they call it the "Rex Barber Bridge" now cuz sum fella from Culver wuz the pilot of the plane that shot down sum bad azz Jap general in the 2nd war to end all wars) and guess which one won.

We picked the wrong bird as a national symbol in my not so humbled opinion.