It's how you look at life that keeps ya sane.

 

Ahhh, we just don't see Steven Wright anymore but his Wrightisms are on the money.

 

(Remember him saying: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.")

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99.9% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever.... So far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

And an all-time favorite uv the deep thinkers on this here ole world,

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

 

(Number 11 is my favorite.  It's happened to me several times, so I'm comfortable with knowing ahead uv time wut'z gunna not happen.)

 

Have a great week folks. 

 

Iffen ya wanna git down in the dumps don't complain about the cockroaches, they were there first.

Who's on First Redux

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America . ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible times. It's 9%. COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. COSTELLO: You just said 9%. ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed. COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that's 9%... COSTELLO: Wait a minute. Is it 9% or 16%? ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work. COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed. ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK! ABBOTT: No, you miss my point. COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair. COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed. COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely! COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment do ya? COSTELLO: That would be frightening. ABBOTT: Absolutely. COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means they're two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct. COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct. OSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo. COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist. COSTELLO: I don't even know what the **** I just said! And now you know why unemployment figures are improving!  This should completely clear up the confusion over  unemployment figures…

Seen this ova on Real Clear Politics this morning and thought I wud pass it along.

There iz a video of this wretch, but since I wanna wretch whenever I hear her speak I will spare you the bile. 

Here's the text.

"The idea that the Catholic Church is being forced to do something that as a church it does not want to do is a misnomer," Rachel Maddow said on "Meet the Press" this morning. "The initial exception in here is that the Catholic Church , somebody that is providing the service of being a church, operating as a church, they are already exempt from this."

"The question is, as the Congressman says, when you want to become a health insurance provider, you must follow the rules of providing health insurance. And in this country that means that you have to cover contraception. And 80% of Americans agree with that," the MSNBC host said on MTP's during the panel segment in the program.

"You guys only want to make it about religion, but listen, Mitt Romney is campaigning saying that he would like to end all family planning support at the federal level. He would like to eliminate federal -- Title X (Title 10). Rick Santorum says he would like states to be able to make contraception illegal," she added.

"You can try to make this an issue of 'oh, Democrats hate religion," but the fact is churches were exempt from this from the beginning. This is about providing health insurance and the Republican Party is waging war on contraception at this point in the way [unintelligible] that's where the discussion is," Maddow said.

I ain't a supporter uv abortion as a solution to bad choice making and yet I am undecided/confused about the issues surrounding the health of the mother or incidents of rape (I consider incest to be rape). 

Read me a book a long time ago, "The Clan of The Cave Bear" and it seems abortion has been around for a real long time.  True to fact the book wuz a work uv fiction but most uv the time there iz a bit uv fact in all fiction, but it did got me to thinking that this is an issue that has been around since the time of the Neandrathals.

So'z I guess dat Maddow thingie iz one of the last uv her spieces and iz just trying to cover up why her ancestors are pretty much extinct, ya figger?

I will offer y'all one video that comes to mind when this attention grabbing thingie (ya ever seen dat movie "The Swamp Thing"?) says something in the pubic realms.

Ain't no doubt in my mind she advocates abortion as a means uv contraception.  This iz just a lead in to the real agenda uv selective breeding mandated by who knows who.

(Hows that for a theory?)